Does leadership or being the boss have negative connotations in your mind when you think about being that person or stepping into that role?

So many people I meet have trouble setting boundaries with other people and they also have trouble setting boundaries with their horses.

I hear things like:

• I don’t like to “boss” others around or tell them what to do.

• I can manage up but I can’t manage down.
  

• I don’t want to hurt my horse’s feelings.
  

• Horses are sentient beings; they should get to choose what they want to do.

Aha….so, what you’re saying is that you’re basically afraid of standing up for yourself?!

First of all, horses ARE sentient beings. In my eyes they are beautiful magical mystical beings that represent nature, connection, primal forces, power and so much more.

As humans we often miss out on the “sentient” part of them because we don’t pay them any true attention. We have plans to ride them, brush them and wash them, but we don’t actually STOP, tune in, get quiet and connect with them by being present and observing what kind of emotions they are experiencing…mostly, we are too busy talking about ourselves:-)

For example, if you are leading a nervous horse, the worst thing you can do is act nervous or scared, start yelling at them, yanking on their halters and move your feet and arms around in a quick and disturbing way.

Yet that is exactly what most people start doing.

Instead, start by acknowledging what the horse is feeling – scared. A good leader will then act calm, precise and give guidance to help the horse settle down by being a stabile point that the horse can find tranquility around.

This is what herd behavior is really about – being the core for your horse so they find peace and guidance, and ultimately that ensures their survival.

Now don’t misunderstand me, being the core for your horse means making decisions on their behalf that is in their best interest. It does NOT mean that you baby them and let them walk all over you so that you avoid ever causing the horse any discomfort.

Growth IS sometimes uncomfortable. We have to break old behavioral patterns that aren’t conducive to safety or partnership. Horses are “in training” because they need to improve something. It’s a journey towards a better vision for both horse and rider. The horse sometimes needs to be told NO.

Riders that don’t stand up for themselves with their horses often start turning their focus inwards.

They believe this is self-reflection and that they are being responsible horse owners, but it’s really not. Responsibility would be taking action and stepping up. No, this is something else. This is playing the blame game to avoid stepping up.

If the horse responds in a way that the rider doesn’t like, the rider takes it personally and draws the conclusion that the horse doesn’t “want” to work with them and that the person should change. Then they start feeling bad about themselves and this only exacerbates the horse’s behavior.

The only reason why the horse doesn’t want to be with them is because of the human’s negative mindset. Horses smell weakness people!

If you doubt yourself and don’t want to lay down the boundaries, horses will figure that out and doubt you. Since they rely on a leader for the herds survival, they will choose to ostracize you in one way or another and take over themselves.

Horses want leadership, as long as its kind and fair. Some horses need a lot of leadership, others not so much. Being a kind leader also means being firm, holding your ground and standing for your vision.

We have to step out of the ego and stop taking every little thing the horse does or doesn’t do so personal. It’s not about us. Horses are sentient, yes, but they are also still only horses. They are not trying to make you feel bad, they are just displaying normal horse behavior and normal horse behavior is brutal to humans because it’s so honest.

After working with horses all these years I have figured out how to be the leader my horse wants and loves, but I have had to stand my ground and set the boundaries.

The trick is to maintain this mindset in other areas of life as well.

When I first started my online business, I forgot to transfer my horse knowledge to social media.

People that hide behind screens can say some nasty things and there will always be lovers and haters of all professionals out there. Anyone who is willing to stand up and stand out is going to get backlash to some extent.

At first this hit me hard as I had never experienced that before.

I started apologizing for my words, things that my articles or videos said, trying to please everyone. I turned the focus inwards and asked myself what I was doing wrong (I was playing the blame game) and how I could make these people love me.

Then I remembered…oh yes, ha ha

They can smell fear:-) They are testing your boundaries, just like the horses used to do.

I sucked it up and stood up for my truth and for my vision. Some people had to be blocked, some people just got a piece of my mind, and some people were just ignored. Most people supported me and became my fans.

You can’t allow yourself to be pushed around. You have worth and you are the one that has to believe in that first and foremost, don’t let others move you into a place where they want you to be.

In horsemanship the saying goes, “Whoever moves their feet is not the leader”.

Keep that in mind. Don’t move your feet. Stand strong, be kind, but be you unapologetically and find the leader inside!

Ride with Lightness

Celie xo

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